Two themes that have arisen separately over my past month yet have ended intertwined are bias and feedback.
I gave a talk about gender bias - specifically, the biases that affect women in the workplace - and I asked the online attendees for feedback via a Google form. This is usually a thumbs-up affair that elicits occasional advice for improving my workshops. But this time, I got backlash. A disgruntled male attendee did not take kindly to my talk and let me know, in no uncertain terms, why.
As you can expect, this hurt! Bad feedback isn’t great when you’re on the receiving end. However, I invited this feedback, and I had a choice - listen to it and learn, or dismiss it. But first, I had to focus on processing my feelings, so I left it for a day. This allowed me to be more objective and not take it so personally.
Coincidentally, I had also delivered a feedback workshop - I had no excuses for not practising what I preach!
Here are my top tips for receiving feedback:
ADOPT A MINDSET OF GRATITUDE AND GROWTH
When receiving feedback, it is easy to become defensive, feeling like you have to justify your position or behaviour. However, becoming argumentative sends a message that you are unwilling to hear what they have to say. Being open to feedback is essential for career growth, so rather than react with emotion, I had to get curious about what this attendee was saying (even if it was difficult and uncomfortable).
Receiving it with gratitude can make all the difference to a conversation. Doing so shows the other person that their efforts were worth it in providing constructive criticism.
SAY "THANK YOU, TELL ME MORE."
Arguing back, however, is not a productive approach. It conveys that you are more focused on defending your position than taking in the other person's opinion. It can make the giver less likely to provide further feedback in future.
Harder than it sounds, though! I did give the person some context and justified some reasoning, but in balance, I also said, "Thank you, tell me more." I got further, more enlightening, and better feedback that expanded my viewpoint. Rather than stay threatening, the feedback became valuable.
ACCEPT THE FEEDBACK AT FACE VALUE
It can be hard not to take feedback personally, but remember that the feedback relates to specific instances rather than your entire identity. With awareness of the issue, you can learn from the feedback and make positive changes in that part of your life.
VALIDATE FEEDBACK WITH OTHERS
I also had conversations with two more attendees from the bias workshop. I felt reassured that I hadn't strayed off my scope but remained conscious that I could have created a more rounded view (I maintain that gender bias can be confrontational, and it's a subject that stirs up emotions!).
BIAS AND FEEDBACK
The intersection between bias and feedback happened on Linkedin, where I was alerted to the 2022 Language Bias in Performance Feedback report by Textio. The report (based on a data pool of 25,000 people) highlighted the following biases (for starters):
Compared to men, women are 7x more likely to report being described as “opinionated,” and 11x more likely to report being described as “abrasive.”
Men are 3x more likely to report being described as “confident,” and 3.7x more likely to report being described as “ambitious.”
Women receive 22% more feedback about their personality than men do. Women also receive 30% more exaggerated feedback than men.
Compared to younger white men, women over 40 receive more than 4x the amount of feedback that’s not actionable.
Black women receive nearly 9x as much feedback that’s not actionable compared to white men under 40.
White men under 40 get the word “brilliant” in performance feedback 8.7x more than women over 40.
- Textio
This is useful to know in the overall context of giving feedback in the office. Giving feedback is something that we give little thought to or prepare for, even under the guise of annual reviews. Knowing these stats should make us look at the language of feedback and how actionable it is.
Remember, when giving feedback: What is the context, what's the observation, what's the result. Do not give (subjective) feedback on personality which is not actionable.
I recommend watching this interview with Simon Sinek, especially if you find giving difficult feedback uncomfortable (9.27mins. feedback at 4:05 onward):